EmsFather
07-05-2002, 12:43 PM
In the vein of George Carlin, I wanted to express a few things that make me mad!. All in fun, of course.
1. Why do people think it's weird to own a snake?
It's acceptable to own rodents like hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs and any other rodent that defocates, urinates and replicates at about the same rate. Besides being dirty, smelly, nippy and extremely prolific, what else do the rodents do? Run through little mazes all day long? I say put a boa at the end of one of those mazes, preferably one who just shed and hasn't eaten in two weeks. Make the maze trip an exciting one if you must board rodents.
2. Fish?
What can you do with fish? You can't pet them. You can't hold them. You can't take them out for a walk. You watch them swim around all day long and frankly, they are boring. You feed them these flakes that cost about $6 for an ounce I say buy a box of generic corn flakes for $1.49 and crush it up. The dumb fish won't know the difference and I figured you just saved a lot of money on feeding those boring fish.
3. Birds? Unless they are exotic birds, parakeets, canarys and love birds are the most annoying critters I've ever seen. Besides being these fragile little things, all they do is chirp until 10 Tylenol wind up in your system. I say instead of feeding them that silly bird seed, replace it with marijuana seeds. They will still chirp but at least now they might do some Bob Dylan or Led Zeppelin songs for a change. That I could live with!
4. Next peeve. People who ask you if your snake is dangerous
I say tell them of course it is. Tell them you hope that by the time it reaches 3 feet that it might take a finger or two of yours off. Tell them though your real goal is to wait until the snakes grow to 10-12 feet. At that point you want to let it loose so it can swallow your neighbor's kid Tommy whole since all he does is make too much noise and he's better than your kid at at baseball.
5. People who think because boas are not poisonous they do not possess theeth.
I say tell them that in truth they do have teeth and that your poor boa will need braces next year because his lower teeth are coming in crooked.
6. People who tell you that they too once owned a boa that was 25 feet long.
At that point ask them if you could see a pic of it or if they didn't have the pic, let them show you the pic of the 30 foot Great White Shark they caught back after Jaws came out in 1975.
Just a few "Pet" Peeves on a hot July day I thought might bring a few chuckles to some of you.
Bob
1. Why do people think it's weird to own a snake?
It's acceptable to own rodents like hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs and any other rodent that defocates, urinates and replicates at about the same rate. Besides being dirty, smelly, nippy and extremely prolific, what else do the rodents do? Run through little mazes all day long? I say put a boa at the end of one of those mazes, preferably one who just shed and hasn't eaten in two weeks. Make the maze trip an exciting one if you must board rodents.
2. Fish?
What can you do with fish? You can't pet them. You can't hold them. You can't take them out for a walk. You watch them swim around all day long and frankly, they are boring. You feed them these flakes that cost about $6 for an ounce I say buy a box of generic corn flakes for $1.49 and crush it up. The dumb fish won't know the difference and I figured you just saved a lot of money on feeding those boring fish.
3. Birds? Unless they are exotic birds, parakeets, canarys and love birds are the most annoying critters I've ever seen. Besides being these fragile little things, all they do is chirp until 10 Tylenol wind up in your system. I say instead of feeding them that silly bird seed, replace it with marijuana seeds. They will still chirp but at least now they might do some Bob Dylan or Led Zeppelin songs for a change. That I could live with!
4. Next peeve. People who ask you if your snake is dangerous
I say tell them of course it is. Tell them you hope that by the time it reaches 3 feet that it might take a finger or two of yours off. Tell them though your real goal is to wait until the snakes grow to 10-12 feet. At that point you want to let it loose so it can swallow your neighbor's kid Tommy whole since all he does is make too much noise and he's better than your kid at at baseball.
5. People who think because boas are not poisonous they do not possess theeth.
I say tell them that in truth they do have teeth and that your poor boa will need braces next year because his lower teeth are coming in crooked.
6. People who tell you that they too once owned a boa that was 25 feet long.
At that point ask them if you could see a pic of it or if they didn't have the pic, let them show you the pic of the 30 foot Great White Shark they caught back after Jaws came out in 1975.
Just a few "Pet" Peeves on a hot July day I thought might bring a few chuckles to some of you.
Bob